"I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy,
Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live."
Today is 100. 100 blogs running and stumbling along, across this virtual little world of mine, Finding Saratoga.
I don't even recall what my purpose was over one year ago when I decided to start a blog. Maybe that was the beauty of it. Somehow I was being led. I remember hearing the word "blog" for the first time, quite well. I was driving in Northern California to a sales appointment, and listening to one of my favorite talk show hosts ever, Ron Owens, and he was talking about blogs. I had no idea what it was. I wish it did not take me like 6 years to finally get one going, oh well. But I did get one going, and I have reached quite a milestone, I have written 100 blogs for your reading pleasure :) or maybe to save myself.
I did not know when I started it over one year ago, that it would somehow become some sort of savior to me, my little piece of the virtual world, a place for me to find me, or possibly lose me, as has often been the case, losing myself in despair and tears. But none the less I have held on, and asked myself to stay committed, who knows where it will all go, maybe nowhere, but I hope it is some sort of path, I really do.
When I was thinking the number "100" I could not help but think of the Five for Fighting song "100 Years." Funny, how we often think we know the words as we are singing..But I never knew the words "...The sea is high, And I'm heading into a crisis" maybe it is better I did not know..funny because that very well sums up my 44-45th year..and I am well aware that I am "..chasing the years of my life.." That line has always made me choke up. It is almost like I cannot spend too much time with that line, because it makes me so sad. While I am glad to be mostly unscathed from the life I have led the past 20 years, and I am lucky..but I also feel overwhelmed at times that the best of my times are behind me, rather the years I had to make the best of times, I let them fade and flounder and did not take my life seriously, the value of "me." Oh dear god, please don't let me cry again, I have come so far for quite some time now. But see, it is this thought, this mourning for what never was, and what has transpired before my eyes that I did not see, and now chasing down my life as I feel my youth is running so fast out the door, this, this is what still rocks me to my core. And I would really like to be with that thought, not that it will really get me anywhere..but the life we lead these days, with a self help book to solve every issue, a support group for every thought and action, it is almost not allowed to mourn for what society has deemed too long. But I do still mourn.
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy,
Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live."
Today is 100. 100 blogs running and stumbling along, across this virtual little world of mine, Finding Saratoga.
I don't even recall what my purpose was over one year ago when I decided to start a blog. Maybe that was the beauty of it. Somehow I was being led. I remember hearing the word "blog" for the first time, quite well. I was driving in Northern California to a sales appointment, and listening to one of my favorite talk show hosts ever, Ron Owens, and he was talking about blogs. I had no idea what it was. I wish it did not take me like 6 years to finally get one going, oh well. But I did get one going, and I have reached quite a milestone, I have written 100 blogs for your reading pleasure :) or maybe to save myself.
I did not know when I started it over one year ago, that it would somehow become some sort of savior to me, my little piece of the virtual world, a place for me to find me, or possibly lose me, as has often been the case, losing myself in despair and tears. But none the less I have held on, and asked myself to stay committed, who knows where it will all go, maybe nowhere, but I hope it is some sort of path, I really do.
When I was thinking the number "100" I could not help but think of the Five for Fighting song "100 Years." Funny, how we often think we know the words as we are singing..But I never knew the words "...The sea is high, And I'm heading into a crisis" maybe it is better I did not know..funny because that very well sums up my 44-45th year..and I am well aware that I am "..chasing the years of my life.." That line has always made me choke up. It is almost like I cannot spend too much time with that line, because it makes me so sad. While I am glad to be mostly unscathed from the life I have led the past 20 years, and I am lucky..but I also feel overwhelmed at times that the best of my times are behind me, rather the years I had to make the best of times, I let them fade and flounder and did not take my life seriously, the value of "me." Oh dear god, please don't let me cry again, I have come so far for quite some time now. But see, it is this thought, this mourning for what never was, and what has transpired before my eyes that I did not see, and now chasing down my life as I feel my youth is running so fast out the door, this, this is what still rocks me to my core. And I would really like to be with that thought, not that it will really get me anywhere..but the life we lead these days, with a self help book to solve every issue, a support group for every thought and action, it is almost not allowed to mourn for what society has deemed too long. But I do still mourn.
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