I feel like I am in my only little court room in my head and I really want to leave. Even though I have the email from me to prove my point, there is still, like in a cartoon, a little character who sits on my shoulder and bugs me, although I am getting better these days at knocking it away. I have been conditioned for so long to take some sort of blame for things and people, and the slightest accusation my way, when even sandwiched with something else, well, it is hard for me.
Couple that with all the emotions that come up with seeing and talking to "him" be it ever so brief, it still reaches to the very depths of me and throws me off my center so far, I have to catch myself before I start falling. I notice it is not immediate, almost like the survivor instinct kicks in, but later, later, it follows me.
Like a recipe, with so many ingredients needed to get it just right, that is how so much of life is with certain people floating around in it. A little too much here or not enough there, and the recipe, at least for that day or even small moment, does not come out.It is tough to have failed recipes, just sitting there on the table, with no one eager to jump in. I clearly had a recipe that did not come out, parts of it did I suppose, but as a whole, no.
It is a deep winter's day, and I want to be with it. I don't want to fall into the brief moment of yesterday, reminding me all over again what never was.
Couple that with all the emotions that come up with seeing and talking to "him" be it ever so brief, it still reaches to the very depths of me and throws me off my center so far, I have to catch myself before I start falling. I notice it is not immediate, almost like the survivor instinct kicks in, but later, later, it follows me.
Like a recipe, with so many ingredients needed to get it just right, that is how so much of life is with certain people floating around in it. A little too much here or not enough there, and the recipe, at least for that day or even small moment, does not come out.It is tough to have failed recipes, just sitting there on the table, with no one eager to jump in. I clearly had a recipe that did not come out, parts of it did I suppose, but as a whole, no.
It is a deep winter's day, and I want to be with it. I don't want to fall into the brief moment of yesterday, reminding me all over again what never was.
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