This past Saturday my life took a turn that I would never have
imagined would happen. One minute I was
totally in love and in a loving relationship, and the next minute the person I
love was walking out of my life, professing to no longer love me and our life
together. I never heard about it until
then. Everything had been just as usual,
all days were with love, even that morning, so I don’t know what happened.
I cannot believe I can type that right now, for 4 days ago I
was broken. I still am, I guess now I am
just numb and know that there is nothing I can do about this at the
moment. I give this up to the
universe..he will either find his way on the path again or he will let it
go. I am deeply saddened with the idea
that this is gone.
I want to proclaim in writing, if I need to again, that I
want to be married. It does not have to be today, or next week, but I am not in
a 2.5 year relationship just for good times and laughs. I want the picture of commitment, and I have
not waivered on that…it has been very clear.
I thought he was on the same page in the same book, I honestly don’t
know when he switched books..or maybe he just lost the book the other day, and
now is lost in the library..could truly be so.
Getting lost is never good.
There is no win in being lost. There is walking around in a circle in
the dark trying to figure out where the path was that you took yourself off
of. The path is still there, you just
have left it..the path did not disappear.
I have been your walking partner on that path, and I will not leave you.
But I need you to come back to the path.
I cannot follow you, as you did not invite me, and I don’t take paths
that don’t go anywhere. I won’t let
myself. I may have in the past, but my
higher self speaks to me and guides me more these days, or perhaps now I
listen..and I won’t go on paths that are not suited for me or go nowhere.
Please get back on the path.
This path leads to great beauty, adventure, true commitment forever, a
love that will never leave you, a love that will hold you all day long and
comfort you at night, a path that will add dimension to your life and take you
from loneliness and often empty living.
I want to be married.
I know this. I don’t find it a
stressful idea, and I am sorry if for you it makes you want to run away. I am guessing, as I have no answers from
you. I wasn’t pleading with you to get
married today, but I thought it was the future, it was on the path. There is no path for me that will not include
marriage, I cannot take paths that do not lead there..I see way too much of a
win with that, to gamble on a life of just seeing how it goes..there is no grounding
to that, and now I see, I was trying to be patient and letting things flow, and
instead I made a wrong turn on the path.
I am still on the path. I hope you will join me on the path
again. I still see you on a wedding day with me, I still want that..no fanfare
is needed. But there may be more to leaving the path than just this, and again
I don’t know, I don’t have any answers from you. I don’t believe you that you
don’t feel the same, I believe you ran away because you fear the future, and
your past is comfortable. I believe you love me as you always did. You have
left tremendous wreckage behind, and something I never thought you would do. I
never thought you would hurt me like this. I believed in you. But I cannot hate
you, and I can see clearer today, speaking from my heart, which is really the
only place to be. I love you. I love you
with my whole heart. You mean so much to
me. Please get back on the path with me,
and we will make the stops you need, all of them. We will follow the path down
all the winding turns, and we will stay together and I will hold your hand when
you are afraid.
