I am in a good place. One year ago I had just barely embarked on a whole new love life. I am happy to say that it is still here..it grew, and flourished and changed my life. There is a part of me that almost doesn't recognize the "old me." Oh I see it popping up here and there from time to time, but in a way that me has retired and I am glad. It was kind of a tired me. It was sad and frustrated at times..oh don't get me wrong, I like the old me a lot, and it got me to last summer. But it was time to spread my wings a bit, to become a better version of myself, and I did.
I passed the one year mark with my love, such a milestone. My dad told me to let a year go by before making long term plans, so I did, I went through all the seasons, and they were all wonderful. I felt cherished and well taken care of, and truly loved. I did not worry about a wandering eye, I did not feel like my self esteem was on constant red alert, trying to redeem itself around every corner. My self esteem was in full bloom. I loved, loved, loved..and I realized that it never will run out..that I can keep loving, which I guess I knew, but had forgotten the power and limitlessness of love.
I don't want to waste time filled with worry and regrets..neither of course do any good. I want to use all my days, as George Bernard Shaw wrote..
"I want to be all used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake."
I know for my heart in love, I want to use it. I don't want to retire it, put it on hold for 10 years waiting for just the "right thing" which never really comes anyhow, at least how we think it will just show up..love is there waiting to be had and to have..hearts are meant to be used. I may see things different than many people, I have come to think this might be true. People might think of me as a bit unrealistic with respect to love. I find it easy overall. Love is waiting for us. So I want my heart to love.
Some thoughts from our recent one year anniversary..
"I love you. Truly. Madly. Deeply.
Thy eternal summer shall not fade.
Summer is where I found you, my favorite season. There you were. Here you are.
And all these words still cannot convey how I love you, how you have changed my life to something I was not sure I would find. You are my love. I adore you.
O sweetest of songs……."
There is a certain chaos to love which I love as much as the order of it all. I can find myself on the brink of breaking down with uncertainty, and then relieved to feel such certainty. It is like an amazing math equation that is written all over a chalkboard, at last finding its answer.
I have left this blog this year, and I don't really know why. This has been such a glorious time for me..perhaps I did not need to write, and perhaps I have just been lazy, like a summer's day on a lounge chair. I am not sure.. I do know that I am in love, and it is the simple things that cement it more..like him hearing birds in the morning light from our bed, and him pulling me close deep in the night when we are not even awake, him bringing things for me, the simple act of putting things away so neat, a lovely smile across a dinner table..it is all the simple things, over and over, that add up, and seeing someone with love is a gift to behold.
I passed the one year mark with my love, such a milestone. My dad told me to let a year go by before making long term plans, so I did, I went through all the seasons, and they were all wonderful. I felt cherished and well taken care of, and truly loved. I did not worry about a wandering eye, I did not feel like my self esteem was on constant red alert, trying to redeem itself around every corner. My self esteem was in full bloom. I loved, loved, loved..and I realized that it never will run out..that I can keep loving, which I guess I knew, but had forgotten the power and limitlessness of love.
I don't want to waste time filled with worry and regrets..neither of course do any good. I want to use all my days, as George Bernard Shaw wrote..
"I want to be all used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake."
I know for my heart in love, I want to use it. I don't want to retire it, put it on hold for 10 years waiting for just the "right thing" which never really comes anyhow, at least how we think it will just show up..love is there waiting to be had and to have..hearts are meant to be used. I may see things different than many people, I have come to think this might be true. People might think of me as a bit unrealistic with respect to love. I find it easy overall. Love is waiting for us. So I want my heart to love.
Some thoughts from our recent one year anniversary..
"I love you. Truly. Madly. Deeply.
Thy eternal summer shall not fade.
Summer is where I found you, my favorite season. There you were. Here you are.
And all these words still cannot convey how I love you, how you have changed my life to something I was not sure I would find. You are my love. I adore you.
O sweetest of songs……."
There is a certain chaos to love which I love as much as the order of it all. I can find myself on the brink of breaking down with uncertainty, and then relieved to feel such certainty. It is like an amazing math equation that is written all over a chalkboard, at last finding its answer.
I have left this blog this year, and I don't really know why. This has been such a glorious time for me..perhaps I did not need to write, and perhaps I have just been lazy, like a summer's day on a lounge chair. I am not sure.. I do know that I am in love, and it is the simple things that cement it more..like him hearing birds in the morning light from our bed, and him pulling me close deep in the night when we are not even awake, him bringing things for me, the simple act of putting things away so neat, a lovely smile across a dinner table..it is all the simple things, over and over, that add up, and seeing someone with love is a gift to behold.
