Jesse James

Well Tiger Woods must be really happy. He could not have hoped for something so perfect to take the spotlight off him. At the moment Tiger seems the far worse case, but who knows..maybe Jesse will end up with quite a line up too!

So Jesse James. I must live in a box, because I really have NO idea who he is. Is his name even real? The first time I heard it I figured he must have changed his name to be likened to the famous bandit, but I have no idea. All I knew was Sandra was married to him. I had no idea of his bad boy image, and never heard of West Coast Choppers, is it? I would have no need or interest to know anything about it. Oh and I knew he was married before to a porn star, in a custody battle and now he had custody, and Sandra loved being the mom. I had no idea he had more kids until I read that this week.

Now in my consistent judgemental way, I did think he kind of seemed like a redneck, certainly no one I would put Sandra Bullock with. But in my head, I recall thinking what did I know..and maybe he was some great husband. HAH! So much for going with the benefit of the doubt. He is a total troll. Now a second ho has come out, are there more to follow? Did you read about the odd sexual harassment suit from a couple of years ago, where he settled for over $700k to a former employee? But apparently she has a souvenir shirt from him (aka Monica Lewinsky, so not sure how that is sexual harassment...) I cannot keep up with all of this.

He has made his bed, so now he can SO sleep in it! I feel so bad for Sandra, I have been there. People who live double lives are masters at deception..many people do see right through it, but perhaps like the famous line "love is blind" those in love with the person just don't see it. They want so much to believe, that there is no seeing anything else. I have lived it.

Bottom line, I don't care what UNMARRIED- over -18 -year- old- people do. I really don't. They can screw every two bit whore covered in tattoos that they want to. They can do all the drugs and lying they want to. I also have my own "rules" about who should be having kids and wish these people would not--what a crap life for the kids..I really don't care what people do, but please don't drag your kids through it.But why then be married? That is the million dollar question. Why have a double life? There must be research on what propels people to live the double life. Is it human nature to try so hard to conform to society's values, but at the same time live out the dark side because they just cannot let it go/it really is who they are. It is a lot of work to live ONE life, I cannot imagine having a whole other one to be part of.

So Jesse James is just another name in the never ending story of people trashing their wedding vows. Oh, I hate it when people say "there must be trouble in the marriage." Please. Because there is a double life being lived, the other person really has no idea. I don't recall vows that say "and feel free to cheat whenever you want.." I guess if the marriage has those type of vows, then one is in the clear, but I have not heard of that vow yet. Again, please don't get married, please don't commit to a relationship of fidelity that one has no intention of keeping.

Michelle McGee

It really is like sitting in the stands at a baseball game, and getting balls wacked to you. It is like one rivals the next for "I cannot believe it." I really wonder if I will ever lose my shock , as to each story that pops up, I think, no way.

Enter Michelle "Bombshell" McGee. Like Rielle, GAG. Seriously.

Sandra Bullock was on Cloud 9 not much more than a week, maybe, when this very disturbing story came out. I, like millions of people, so feel for her. Here she is at the Academy Awards gushing about her husband and family, and here he has been for months, doing some ho behind her back. And this "Bombshell" chick really is about the lowest class "thing" I mean how can we even call her a woman. She looks like some dark, skanky cartoon character come to life!

I scream again "What is wrong with people!" Jesse James, like so many guys, clearly was living a double life. He had the beautiful and talented and clean cut wife, so devoted to him and his kids, and then he has his tatooed, ugly ass whore on the side. It is so hard for me to even get my arms around. And "Bombshell" what are you doing with a very high profile M A R R I E D man?? Oh that is right, looking for your fame the easy way. I love when I read the quotes she is a "good mom" WHAT? I cannot even believe she has kids/is allowed to procreate!! Please, a good mom? Where, how? I don't need to see anything else to change my mind on her parental status.

I really do not want to be Judgmental Danna so often. But really is there any other way to go with this story, John and Rielle, Tiger and his harem of whores, and on and on. What has happened to the morals of our country? I don't want to sound so high and mighty, but it seems such a basic concept, "married..off limits" there are millions of single people just waiting for all these losers, they don't need to take a dip in the married pool. And those that are married and cheating, why don't they call it quits..I don't get it, because by the time you get caught, you will have weaved such a complicated web of lies, and you will be so looked down on, why go that route? There seems to be some missing link. Has this really been going on forever and we just did not know about it on such a grand scale, or has it escalated totally out of control in the last 20 years..I am going to go with the latter. We seem to have a country completely overtaken by narcissim, searching for the spotlight at any and all costs.

Maybe I am just some boring 45 year old in my love life. Maybe I would rather shop at Old Navy than be out on the prowl for a married man. Maybe it is so prolific out there, and I just have no idea. I will take shopping and day.

Rielle Hunter

Gag. It is amazing that we don't even have to search for stories of horrible people. They are so prolific, we can just sit back, and BOOM, they appear like a ball being hit right to you in the stands at a baseball game.

Another story that swirled for so long, I kept kind of forgetting about it, not even caring. John Edwards lost my vote a long time ago. As soon as the stories appear these days, c'mon, they are real. Can we stop saying "The National Enquirer is all lies.."? It actually does break a lot of these stories, it is kind of funny.

Okay, so in her GQ interview, she says terrible things. She says " ..not a home wrecker, it was wrecked when I got there. " OMG, such a classic whore of a mistress. Missing the POINT, he was married!! He has kids. His wife is desperately ill. I think a normal, moral person, would see a big sign over his head, "not open for business."

"I'm not a predator, I'm not a gold digger, I'm not the stalker," she says – and that Edwards has actually redeemed his life, not ruined it, by leaving a marriage and a career for which he wasn't well suited. "Everyone talks about how Johnny has fallen from grace," Hunter says. "In reality, he's fallen to grace. He is integrated. He is living a life of truth. He has grown in awareness and humility. He had all these things within him, but they weren't the guiding, leading principles of his life. Now they are."

OMG again. Is this for real, RIELLE (what a dumb name!!!) What truth? He is all about lies, and so is she!! They are really perfect for each other. Each total NARCISSISTS. Their poor kids.
Humility!! What? And yes he ruined his life, thank god, he deserves it. He can live out his ruined life with this 2 bit dope.

A normal person would NEVER seek the spotlight for such disgrace!! It is so the state of so many these days. Why do "grown ups" act like spoiled, stupid, entitled teenagers!!

"Infidelity doesn't happen in healthy marriages." If I hear that one more time, I think I will scream. Infidelity happens because one or both partners have no moral compass, do NOT respect the vows they took, have no commitment to the marriage, don't mind lying over and over again.. Can we please stop blaming the spouse who was cheated on?? Who invented that anyhow!!! They are the victim, and then they get the door prize by somehow being blamed for it.

I so feel for Elizabeth. I wish like hell she would beat the cancer, kick "Johnny's" Ass, kick Rielle (stupid name) down to the ground, and then with her head held up high, move on with some great new terrific life, maybe a super new beau, and look back at all of this as one long bad nightmare. She so does not deserve what she got.

Rielle is the classic mistress. All about her. She did nothing wrong. She is so in love with him..And on and on. Yawn. I cannot believe this story has any legs left. I hope GQ is the end of her road. She needs to go away.

Tramp

Last night I went to a local coffee/become -wine -bar -at -night- place, with my friend. The music was great. It was fun looking around the room guessing how old women were and then telling ourselves we looked much better (honestly we did, and the competition was not that tough!)

As usual, give me just a drink, a crowd, conversation and music, and I am off. It is like the energy that has been buried inside of me suddenly brings itself to the surface. We were leaving and I really wanted to do more. I said "I really want to go somewhere else now, I want to go out.." and from behind me I hear "You tramp." It was said in a very fun, comical way, like a line being delivered. Not mean spirited at all. It was said by a rather handsome grey haired man, about 45, with a woman standing next to him, and they were smoking, cigarettes, I think. I played right into it, saying "Oh my god, thank you for calling me a tramp! " Giggling up a storm. "I will have to email my mom and tell her someone called me a tramp." That made for more laughter. It was a joke of course, but my sister and I have heard over the years if my mom thinks we have been trampy.

But in that moment, I felt noticed. Someone, a man, spoke to me, and it was somewhat of a sexual term to throw out there. I know it sounds ridiculous that hearing some silly comment would make me feel alive, but it did. I have been so starved for male attention for so long. I am basically very shy, and don't walk up to men, don't talk to men, as I mostly think they won't be interested in me. Lifetime problem. So getting a remark from the shadows, was some kind of win in a very bizarre way. It is funny, we never know when a moment will arrive when we feel "real." And in that moment, I did.

And then I came home and wrapped up my evening with house cleaning.

How Danna Got Her Groove Back

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FXXJxy7hUc

Hopefully the above link works. You can see the trailer to How Stella Got Her Groove Back. I am not gorgeous Angela Bassett, and I am not sure if there is any Taye Diggs waiting for me! But this movie came to my mind yesterday, and I got depressed.

I don't want to get my groove back. Did I lose it, I don't even know. I know I did not want to lose it. I wanted to stay just as I was (well so I thought, really, lies and all..) Do we all need to get our groove back once we get into our 40s, whether we are married, in love, or alone..have we all lost our groove along the way?

There are comforts I am used to, like wearing my bathrobe over my clothes at night in the cold winter, while watching TV.. sounds really sexy doesn't it? And of course my hair up in a pony tail or bun, because it is so much more comfortable than hair in my face. Going to bed at 10:30, because I really like to, and getting full 8 hours sleep, which I do believe is beauty rest. Barely cooking, the microwave is my main station. I cringe when I write all this, as I don't think these attributes are going to get my groove back. And I don't really know if I have the energy to deal with a whole world I have not been part of for over 15 years...

I am not sure how women end up dating younger men. I don't think I could. I would feel the whole time that he was leaving any minute. That one day he would say,"holy crap you are old (er) than me.." and there I would be, trying to get my groove back again. And someone my age, good god are they going to be filled with problems, exes, kids, debt, whatever, I so don't want it. Older than me, old then. I am laughing writing this, this personal ad would get zero responses! I cannot believe I am in this space and cannot believe that my life ended up this way..oh yes, I do recall, all by choices, what the hell have I been choosing for 25+ years..

Get my groove back..I am not sure what that means or even where I would start.I am sure there are a lot of 40 somethings at a happy hour anywhere right now, trying desperately to get their groove back, and the vision is so sad really..I don't want that to be me.

Can I just hang out in my bathrobe over my clothes, and have a delicious green salad, and watch The New Adventures of the Old Christine and just keep my old groove, will it serve me anymore?

Thousand Past Yesterdays

Recovery is training ourselves by practicing daily disciplines to act in the present as the present and not from the emotional stance of a thousand past yesterdays." ~Earnie Larsen

I read this the other day. We all know this. This is a message we see over and over. The past is the past. We cannot live our present and our future out of the past. And it is true. However..I don't think we would be told this, read it over and over and over again, if it was not simply the human condition. Otherwise, we would just be wired to make each day a new day and have no filter for it. There would be no need for seminars, or books, or counseling, no talk shows, I mean we would all just be cruising along every day without ever looking back or being tainted by our pasts..

Was early man haunted by his past decisions. Did he stay awake wondering if he had "just done something different, said something different, taken a different path.." I really wonder. When did this descend upon us..?

I don't think we ever really lose the filter. I don't think so. I just think we learn to see it, accept it, deal with it every day, if it is something we do not want to go back to--bad relationships, drugs, alcohol, picking the wrong men, whatever it is..I don't think recovery ends for any of us, if we are even lucky enough to be recovering and not stuck in living the same mistakes over and over. But it is a fine line between the two. I don't believe there is some magical day on the calendar when we say, "wow that is all gone now. I don't feel that way/do that anymore. Poof."

I know for me, I train my mind everyday. I do all sorts of rituals, like Tarot cards, yoga, meditate (kind of) paint, write, laugh a lot, all and everything to not recreate my past. But it is right there, right next to me, I am well aware. I am training myself, but I don't think the training will ever stop, but perhaps over time it will be less, but I don't even know. We are all in need of training, whatever it is for, whatever we don't want to repeat. There are approximately 10,000 yesterdays for me that I have to let go, and that is a big number. I trained myself well in those yesterdays, and now I am in retraining.