More Match

Well it is kind of funny. When I started this blog in November 2008, I thought I was writing about home decor and getting organized! Then it split into 2 blogs, one on the home and one on marriage/divorce..so I guess it follows at some point it would have to take a turn down the dating road, once the heartbreak went away..

So here I am, now I feel like an official blogger on dating, and that is laughable, because I really know nothing about it!

Here is my latest story though for laughs. I really liked this one guy. I knew he was kind of a bad boy, but man his photos were good--one in particular, I told him he looked smoldering. I know, I know..but he is. So we emailed a bunch. They were short and had nothing to do what-so-ever with finding out anything about me. They were mostly written to "hey baby" (to me) and he talked about a "hot connection" perhaps not the recipe for a long term match..I know, I know..

So we finally talk on the phone. He is nice and all, sounds a little bit asleep at the wheel, but I am thinking about the smoldering eyes. We talk a bit, but it is all just kind of circles, and I am thinking hmm...is he interested at all..? He then gets a "work call" and has to call me back..and does..but it was like we had not talked at all, as he does not even know I have a child at home(I said it on the previous call and it is in my profile!!) Um, Hello!! Do you have a brain at all. Then he asks me what I am looking for, again pretty obvious from my profile. I jokingly say there is going to be a quiz, he says okay, he doesn't know any answers..it was funny. I know he looked at my profile many times, clearly just the photos (hey I am flattered..but if you are going to talk to someone on the phone at least read about them!!) Then he has another "work call" but will confirm later on our Tuesday night meeting. (Oh I forgot, I told him I am really a nice woman, the kind of girl you take home to meet your mother--I am not some crazy partier--I think that sunk my ship. In my profile though I state I am not some crazy mother looking for a good time around every corner..again, he had not read it..)

Yeah, right, about the "work call." I know I just crashed and burned. And. I. Did.

I get an email later that day, saying he must have deleted my number (yeah right) something else has come up (yeah right) and he hopes we can connect soon (yeah right)!!! I wrote him back a nice note saying I could tell he was not interested the more we spoke, no problem. I am not mad at all, I just keep finding these encounters end up in the humor bin.

So there went my smoldering "possibility" right out the window--or I guess I should say the flame went right out. I had so wanted to meet him just to see if his photo really proved me right, or if he turned out to be a "no"..even if I knew he wasn't interested--I just wanted to see him!

Back to the drawing board!! Continue to get notes from geeks who I would never talk to (can I sound any worse!) but come on, stay within your own tribe please!!

And I just think, well there is always shopping :)

Really Loud Silence

The winks, the emails, the phone conversations, the feeling of falling off the map and starting all over again..it is really exhausting..I really don't know how people do it all day long..like running and running on a Habitrail wheel, with no end in sight, that is how it feels to me.

There is like this really loud silence all around me at the moment. I normally don't mind the quiet, but it is like magnifying this... compulsion? I am not sure what..this horrible "to do list" every single day of dating online and having no closure, or well maybe that is what it feels like, never ending closure, never really starting, no middle, I don't know! So I sit here and feel like I don't know what, what do I want to do..? just breathe through it, this too shall pass, well it is just like this never ending story now, and I am not finding it all that interesting.

I really don't want this hanging over my head. We are not meant to be "singles" floating around on this earth approaching all the time we have a-l-o-n-e. But I believe somewhere along the line, and probably just in the last few years, it has become ridiculously hard to meet people, which seems like a ridiculous thing to even say!! There are people everywhere! But I think there is this underlying thinking out there, "someone else better is going to come along.." and so people fly around, dive down, stay for awhile, maybe just even a minute or two, and then are back in flight. There is the Facebook craziness where everyone is SO important, not at all. The energy of it all exhausts me, and so is not what I am looking for. I am not sure if I am really suited for any of this. If I have to be alone, couldn't it be on some superb warm beach someplace, with days that stretch out into the next, where I have no worries and don't work..at least I would be warm :) I don't know, I seriously feel under house arrest and don't have a key out today.

Matchmaker Matchmaker Make Me a Match

"Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match.
Find me a find, catch me a catch.
Matchmaker, matchmaker, look through your book
And make me a perfect match." Fiddler on the Roof

These lyrics were just ringing in my ears (I don't think I have ever seen Fiddler on the Roof, or only parts but then again I do know part of "....sunrise, sunset.." I am singing it in my head right now!

I could have been the living embodiment of the Evelyn Wood's Speed Reading class, last Monday afternoon, as I ate up, "Become Your Own Matchmaker" http://www.amazon.com/Become-Your-Own-Matchmaker-Attracting/dp/1416597719 I mean all 273 pages worth, in just a few hours, I could not put it down!

There were so many things that jumped out at me, I have to say I loved the book and totally recommend it!

One thing to start with, and I apologize this is crude (but it is her words, actually sounds like it is Hollywood's words..) "f*&^ability factor" ..you gotta have it! For men it is all about the packaging, one look and they decide if you are a keeper or going to get tossed back. They are not looking for someone who is beautiful on the inside, as so many women hope or think they should be. Does not mean they don't care about the inside, they do, but like shopping, they are first stopped by what they see. And then she goes on to detail all the pieces--hair, teeth, skin, makeup, body, it is pretty good. The good news is, for me, I felt like I am on top of this, so I am going to give myself a big :) here. I love the term though, and now it is housed in my brain and I like to say it to myself in my head, it is a cute phrase.

Men LOVE heels. Good, so do I. Love them.

All the places to meet men. I think I liked the list best of where you won't meet men. Things like spirituality workshops, cruise ships, frozen yogurt shops, salons, bars and clubs. Even Starbucks. I was surprised by that one. So many people work remotely these days, and hang out in a coffee shop for some atmosphere, when compared to their home office all day, so that one, I am going to still consider a maybe (although I have never taken my laptop to a coffee place to work..I am too shy really.)

I love her Dating Commandments. Words to live by. Now the cute phrase above comes to mind, because that is like a huge land mine for me. We know all guys want "it." They are not going out for the conversation..not really..they may enjoy it..but they can talk to their sister. In the end it is always the same. It has been a long time since I even went on a date (I don't count my "meets"..) so this land mine is just sitting out there, coyly waiting for me to step away. (I am sure there will probaby be a blog that comes out of it..)

Danger signs..okay I believe I have encountered all of them. Ouch.

Cagey
Too Spontaneous
Addictive
Strained Family Relationships
Mom Issues
Rage
Dishonesty
Egotism
Vanity
Email and Texting (these did not exist in the "dark ages" :) )

Yep I encountered all of these! Was I blind, did I think I would do magic and erase it all ? I would be worth it? Honestly I don't have any of the warning signs. Not one.

Oops, on the flip side though, here is what guys complain about..

Flaky
Needy
Demanding
High Maintenance
Live Beyond Her Means
Entitled
Bitter
Not Rational
Doesn't Know What She Wants
Doesn't Prioritize Her Love
Picky
Deceitful
Insecure
Not Feminine
Doesn't Cook

Okay, let's go through that list..

I can be demanding, but I don't think overly so. I just happen to be super organized (have you read my blog on cleaning and getting rid of clutter..?)

I have been told by a certain someone that I did not make him a priority. Let me say that is a fine line..I totally made him a priority, my whole life centered around him. But in his eyes, it was not what he wanted. IE more s*x. I think that could be true for a lot of guys. Guys are babies. Sorry. They. Are.

Yes I am picky, I admit it.

No I am not insecure. I was pegged that when I was with a c-h-e-a-t-e-r...I had no idea of the infidelity, but I was aware of the energy I could sense, so that came out as insecure. I have searched me this last year, and I am hardly insecure..

I will admit, I don't cook much. I could, I would, like the story goes of "Green Eggs and Ham.."

So what did I get from the book. Unknowingly I have already prepared myself for Love #3 (I have had a first love, a love of my life..so now maybe I can just wrap the two together for Love #3.. :) While Stanger can be perfectly frank, she is also like a modern day fairy godmother, and I liked that.

I believed in love. I still do.