Getting Good Grades

Funny how easy it can be sometimes to find something to write about!
I spent some time on Facebook--which is like a double edged sword for me. I like it, I really do. But so often when I am on there, I kind of get a pit in my stomach, and feel "I am not good enough." Like high school rushing back at me so fast, because so much of Facebook is high school connections. Not that anyone has said anything to make me feel like that, quite the contrary, everyone is so upbeat. But therein lies my problem. I feel like everyone is doing great and has these great lives, so it makes me look at me, and then I start feeling less than spectacular, and so goes not feeling good enough. Wow, who would have thought I would have a reaction like this. But with the site being somewhat addictive I don't want to close up shop on my little piece of the Facebook world.

So, my short story. I posted a note to a former classmate after looking at a view of his photos, and remembering our surfer gang and noting once again how cute they all were. So I tell him that and wish I had had some dates, and then he lets me know I was too busy getting good grades. I am sure he meant it as a compliment, but ugh, what a geek it makes me feel like.. and where did it get me? is really the question I have to pose to myself...and so here I am, feeling like I did so often in high school, not having dates or a boyfriend, and as dumb as it sounds and truly is, I cannot believe I am even taking time to write about it, but there is that feeling, jumping up on my shoulder and getting all cozy. I honestly at this moment feel like crying, and also laughing because this all is so dumb.

I guess that is the power of memories, and the ability feelings have to come back at any moment and totally take over. Quick I need something incredibly funny, a good scene from a movie--I love the one of Jim Carrey in Fun with Dick and Jane, when he decides to turn to crime to get the money they need. His first attempt does not go so well, as he cannot even get the gun (play) out of his sweatshirt pocket, and ends up only stealing a slirpy for his first try. The whole movie is funny. There thinking of it makes me feel a bit better. That is my thing these days, I only allow a small bit of sadness to creep in, look at it, and then let it go. But I don't know, Facebook has got me in a pickle.

Morbid Thoughts

Okay, I know the title sucks. In so much doom and gloom out there these days, where is my happy space, my sunny side, my good news! I don't feel down at the moment, but I was so distracted, no that is not the word, so ....bothered? but I don't mean that in a nuisance kind of way...about the death of the Brazilian model a few days ago..

She had been fine, then did not feel well at the end of December. One thing led to another, they diagnosed her with septicaemia and she was going down hill fast. They had to amputate her hands and feet. As soon as I read that, it just was like being hit on the head with a baseball bat. Wow.

The image of that is awful. This gorgeous young girl, with huge promise, now has no hands or feet. Then they had to take her kidneys and half her stomach. She was on life support, but could still communicate with her eyes. But then she died. Less than one month ago, fine, weeks later dead. It is one of those stories that you just don't want to read. But as my thoughts go, I am very troubled that she lost these limbs but still died anyhow. It seems like such a drastic measure and it still did not help. I have no idea.

I am not sure what the after life looks like. I don't want to get into some religious argument, I just don't have the energy at the moment. I have thought before that however we leave this planet is what we are on the other side. Remember in the movie Ghost, how Patrick Swayze was forever in that maroon colored shirt he was wearing and the black pants--what he was wearing when he was killed. I have thought I hope I go wearing something I like and am having a good hair day. I know, pathetic! But these are my thoughts! So I am deeply troubled to think this young beautiful girl went to the next life with no hands nor feet, I just don't like to think that could be the final round. I hope we can get repaired when we get to the other side, seems like a fair request. Maybe we can even pick out a different outfit, fix our hair, go back to a younger look if we die old. Maybe no one out there in the beyond sees our physical, maybe we are just lights buzzing around, and project the best of ourselves anyhow. That sounds quite nice.

It was sobering though. Young and beautiful with so much promise. Less than 3o days later dead and gone. Another reason not to take the economy so seriously every second of every day.

Barack Obama

I don't remember in my life being excited about my president. To me they were old men, out of touch, inaccesible, white guys. I had no connection. I really did not care. I guess I thought Reagan was a bit endearing, Carter seemed like a nice man, I liked Clinton more after he left office than when he was in it, but I never like his wandering eye side and all the gossip and real stories that followed him, it made it hard for me to totally like him. Bush 1 and 2, hmm..the first one smarter and a bit scary, the 2nd one not as smart, seemed nice enough, but so NOT a president. Ford, a total accident. There was also Nixon, but I was way too young. And I don't remember before that, but that gets me back MANY years.

And then today, a whole new day. I LOVE our new President. Smart. A gifted speaker. Inspirational. Good looking. Cool. Married. Faithful. Father. Humble. These are the immdiate words that come to mind. And then his beautiful and smart wife, and those adorable little girls. The story of his youth. It all works for me. He and his wife and children are so what I want to represent our country. Finally. It is like a whole new era has been ushered in.

The "other" presidents always seemed like they were out of touch to me. Some guys in the elite club that made it to president. Guys who wore suits and had meetings behind closed doors. My country seemed more like a place I lived, and a nice place at that, than someplace I had any stake in. That might be my own fault. Maybe it took me 25+ years of my adult life to wake up and be interested, and I cannot blame a president or anyone else for that matter. But iIdon't think I am alone.

But then there was this guy with "the funny name." I mean in the beginning I could not remember if his first name was Obama or Barack. I was for Hillary. But then he came on strong, and I started to listen. Wow. No contest with Hillary, I must say. As much as I really like her, she is WAY more suited for Secretary of State, and perfect for the job! And as the election neared and the energy built, I became totally sold, and at the same time pretrified that that really old out of touch guy, John McCain, and that wacky, phony VP of his, Sarah, were going to run/ruin our country. But that was not the case.

So I am good right now. I love having someone in the white house who looks Clint Eastwood cool in his sunglasses. Is so damn smart and wise and humble and ready to work. With a charming wife who often wears J.Crew. Hell, I am ready to wear a t shirt that says I Love My President, something I would never have considered in the past.

Dying Over Money

I got news today that was really sad. The former owner and builder of a home we had bought in Santa Cruz more than 10 years ago, killed himself earlier this month, due to depression and problems with his business in the current economy. How can this be? This guy was so nice and friendly and outgoing? How could I ever imagine years ago when we bought a home from him, that this is how it would end for him one day?

These stories are everywhere these days, the same general story line, people killing themselves due to that word, that word again that I am trying to manage and visit only when necessary and not live by it..... m o n e y. I hate the very idea that people kill themselves regarding money. It seems so beyond belief, yet it is a hugely shared human trait. I think everyone needs to watch
It is a Wonderful Life, and over and over again, until they see that money does not define who we are, and that it is often a means to an end, but it is NOT the big picture of why we are here.
There are always options. In the moments of deepest despair, I wish people could reach out to a friend, family, neighbor, and ask for help. It might not be money, maybe it is, but just support, ideas, other options they may not have thought about. How can money have such a power over the human spirit?

The more I sit at home and don't see what is available to buy, I swear the happier I get. I love the idea of living simpler, and I think it is going to catch on like a firestorm across the country. I hope this is a wake up call, that consuming and buying is not the recipe for happiness. I am so hopeful with our new president being sworn in tomorrow. He cannot be responsible to turn the country around, but to me he is like a modern day prophet, and I believe his time has totally come. I am so hopeful.

The house was so pretty, with so many architectural details and so well made. It turned out he built it when he thought he was getting divorced, only to get back together, so then he did not need the house. But he ended up getting divorced years later anyhow.. It was kind of like living in a piece of art he created to heal himself at that time. We bought it, after almost getting divorced ourselves, but then got back together. I still remember him showing us how the sprinkler system worked. Now he is gone.

Just a Phone Call Away

It was a pretty incredible story this past week when a US Airways Airbus had to make an emergency landing in the frigid Hudson River. Amazing that some wild geese could hit engines and take down a plane! Can you imagine being in a plane that now has no engines and your pilot says "brace for a rough landing"..? I get sick just hearing about it. The fact that the captain and copliot landed that thing so easily, it seems, and every single person got out and was safe, is just a feat beyond belief, and up there with a story that just sends chills down your spine.

As one newscaster said, "you think you are flying to North Carolina, minutes later you have an emergency landing in the Hudson River, besides being very cold and wet and quite in shock, you are rescued by a boat, and probably that night you are at home with your family watching it on the news"--what a day!

Stories like that always make me believe in the power of the US--the true care people show for their fellow human beings--the pilots, the staff, the rescuers, the way we have services to respond so quickly and save people. This does not exist around the globe. I remember being astounded that it took like 20+ minutes for an ambulance to get to the crash in the tunnel in France where Princess Diana lay dying. Apparently she said to them "please don't let me die."
But she did. If they had been faster in getting to her, could she have been saved? I don't know, and there is so much story around the whole story, who knows the truth of it all. But I remember being floored how long it took emergency services to get there.

In the US we are pretty lucky. There are emergency workers just standing by to be called by us and help us within minutes. For huge disasters like the plane landing in the Hudson River, there are many, many workers ready to risk their own lives to save ours. This is pretty incredible stuff.

Years ago I was in Baja, Mexico and visiting some park by the water. I don't recall the name of it, but there were these cliffs/rocks and trails going up through and around them. It was very poorly maintained as far as safety, and people were actually climbing the cliffs, like something you would not see in the US, where people would go beyond the warning signs and fences and decide to do something stupid--these people were just doing it, there were no warning signs that I recall, there sure were no fences. And I could not help but thinking if someone fell, how long would it take for emergency services...were there any?

So with all the complaints Americans have, and there are plenty, the emergency services just a phone call away for us, is simply astounding. And these people that arrive, want to help you, they want to save you, imagine that. And they are willing to put their own life at risk. Imagine that.

Tough Times Hit Barbie

It is tough not to be a bit stressed these days. I mean the bad news is all around. Under every rock. It is almost like, "what have we stepped into?" Remember the good days, they don't seem that far away, but they are all gone at the moment. Housing prices have slumped and gone down for the most part, more than 2 million people lost their jobs, banking scandals, and on and on, one would have to be a total hermit to not know the news. And below all these main headlines, there are people, and their stories are the ones that make it all come to life. I am thinking of the finance guy, Marcus Schrenker who faked his death in a small plane this week, then was discovered and on the run and then tried to kill himself and then was caught and arrested. All about scamming clients. I am sure there are tons of these. Don't let me forget about Bernie Madroff, the really big story. It just keeps amazing me, all these stories, like something you would see in a movie, but they are real life. All about money. How do we get off this crazy path, how do we create a new one that is about so much more, and money is only a tool, something in the back seat, but it is not steering and driving the course above all else?

As I put my little girl to bed last night, she gave me a tour of her new Barbie house from Santa. In it right now was just a mom and a daughter. They had gone "bankrupt for one month" she told me, so I tried to give her a very simple explanation of what bankrupt means. She had heard me on the phone to someone, discussing it as a possible course of action for someone else. I guess I was bummed that financial tough times hit Barbie world. (they still had a really nice two story.) Even so, there is a very lovely and safe and sweet energy in her room. Covered with dolls, and Barbies, and little momentos, and sweet girl things, this is a room to retreat to and recharge the batteries. There is no bad energy there. Well Barbie had some tough times, but we all know Barbie can handle anything.

Maybe that is my starting point for the day. We can all handle anything. Take it in small chunks, and even smaller if we have to, and just figure it out. It all works out, everything always does. It might not be what we were planning, maybe it will be something all that much better. Like the song says, "you might not get what you want, but you get what you need." I think we all need a whole lot less, and I hope this is a big wake up call.

Electronic Devices

Finally. After much back and forth, plugging in and taking it out and listening and getting frustrated, I got my iPod Shuffle updated! God what a pain. I must really be inept. Glad I did not give up even though it took me way more than 1 hour. I got the songs loaded/purchased pretty quick, but then I fell apart when trying to get the songs onto the device, and now I see how DUMB I was, I just did not get to click on the little icon of my device! Dumb. Clear as day, but it just was not grabbing my attention. It is so hard for me to figure these things out. The directions are there, but you have to find them online, and I finally did. Now I have the new music blasting in my ears, "I'll Be" and it was well worth it. Now I have "Fields of Gold" playing and it was doublely (is that a word?!) worth it! There is nothing like your favorite music blasting in your ears. It completely takes you away, in an instant, you can feel like you are in a movie or a commerical, just sailing along through life with fantastic music accompanying you. Whenever I put the music in my ears, I say to myself, I can run a marathon! Can I, I don't know. I hope to try some little race this year. Pathetic that I haven't done one. C'mon Danna, reach out and get out there. Take your music with you :) And now I get to hear "I Still Haven't Found What I am Looking For." Doesn't get any better.

What Matters

I think it amazes me when I look at my blog, and think "geez, I have not written for one week." I should be writing every day. But there are days I just feel like I don't know what to say. Or what I want to say is so stupid or so selfish that I just don't want to put it down let alone out there to breathe on its own (and god forbid someone reads!)

Hmm..we are well into the first week of the new year--well past it. I feel pretty good. I am trying to keep my nose out of so much bad news on CNN, but it is very addicting to read every story that talks about the economy, the job losses, bank failures, credit problems, the worst times since the Great Depression, and on and on. It feeds something in us that somehow craves unsettling news. Is this some mass human trait, bent on feeling like being on the edge of a cliff?
I think perhaps so.

But there is always something worse, and always something better for that matter.

This past week I found out that a long time family friend, has stage 4 cancer. This friend was an original Junk Hauler for extra income--way before it became a great way to make a buck, way before 1 800 Got Junk? and all the rest. He used to come to our house on Saturdays and help my father load up debris from the yard. A nice Saratoga memory--it fits so well with Finding Saratoga. I don't recall that much as I was pretty young, but I do know that he became etched in my mind to look and seem just like John Denver--so that is who he is to me--or I guess I should say their two personas are one to me. He had that spirit, you could just see him singing Rocky Mountain High (I have no idea if he was a fan..) Anyhow he seemed almost like a grown up big brother (son) for my dad to work with. He still remembers those days, as he penned to my mom this week who wrote to him. And then one day he got cancer. I am sure right now he is a lot less concerned about the economy than he is with his health. Godspeed to him. People like him deserve long lives.

I read in a book recently, that if you were really sick, but had a million dollars, and could spend that money to be cured, well, you would do it! You would end up with no money in savings, maybe end up in a small apartment, but you would be healthy. The point of the story was if you already have your health, but don't have the million dollars, be grateful anyways! Health is worth everything. Often one cannot buy health, no matter how much we may try, or bargain with the universe to get it back.

I hear my daughter and her friend giggling right now as they enjoy their sleepover. They don't think about the economy one bit, and they shouldn't. They welcome each day, and small things like a class pizza party, swimming at the Y, a birthday party, send them soaring with excitement. We lose so much of this enthusiasm as we get older and become caught in the trap--worrying about the economy and wishing we had more money. Even as I write this I wish I could buy something, not sure what, but I always feel this way as I start the new year. And really it is just nuts. Honestly I don't need any clothes, or knick knacks for the house, or even a vacation, I already have a great life.

Well I wrote a little something. Was it stupid or selfish, I don't know. But I am glad I put some thoughts down before another day passed me by. They are all gifts.