Funny how easy it can be sometimes to find something to write about!
I spent some time on Facebook--which is like a double edged sword for me. I like it, I really do. But so often when I am on there, I kind of get a pit in my stomach, and feel "I am not good enough." Like high school rushing back at me so fast, because so much of Facebook is high school connections. Not that anyone has said anything to make me feel like that, quite the contrary, everyone is so upbeat. But therein lies my problem. I feel like everyone is doing great and has these great lives, so it makes me look at me, and then I start feeling less than spectacular, and so goes not feeling good enough. Wow, who would have thought I would have a reaction like this. But with the site being somewhat addictive I don't want to close up shop on my little piece of the Facebook world.
So, my short story. I posted a note to a former classmate after looking at a view of his photos, and remembering our surfer gang and noting once again how cute they all were. So I tell him that and wish I had had some dates, and then he lets me know I was too busy getting good grades. I am sure he meant it as a compliment, but ugh, what a geek it makes me feel like.. and where did it get me? is really the question I have to pose to myself...and so here I am, feeling like I did so often in high school, not having dates or a boyfriend, and as dumb as it sounds and truly is, I cannot believe I am even taking time to write about it, but there is that feeling, jumping up on my shoulder and getting all cozy. I honestly at this moment feel like crying, and also laughing because this all is so dumb.
I spent some time on Facebook--which is like a double edged sword for me. I like it, I really do. But so often when I am on there, I kind of get a pit in my stomach, and feel "I am not good enough." Like high school rushing back at me so fast, because so much of Facebook is high school connections. Not that anyone has said anything to make me feel like that, quite the contrary, everyone is so upbeat. But therein lies my problem. I feel like everyone is doing great and has these great lives, so it makes me look at me, and then I start feeling less than spectacular, and so goes not feeling good enough. Wow, who would have thought I would have a reaction like this. But with the site being somewhat addictive I don't want to close up shop on my little piece of the Facebook world.
So, my short story. I posted a note to a former classmate after looking at a view of his photos, and remembering our surfer gang and noting once again how cute they all were. So I tell him that and wish I had had some dates, and then he lets me know I was too busy getting good grades. I am sure he meant it as a compliment, but ugh, what a geek it makes me feel like.. and where did it get me? is really the question I have to pose to myself...and so here I am, feeling like I did so often in high school, not having dates or a boyfriend, and as dumb as it sounds and truly is, I cannot believe I am even taking time to write about it, but there is that feeling, jumping up on my shoulder and getting all cozy. I honestly at this moment feel like crying, and also laughing because this all is so dumb.
I guess that is the power of memories, and the ability feelings have to come back at any moment and totally take over. Quick I need something incredibly funny, a good scene from a movie--I love the one of Jim Carrey in Fun with Dick and Jane, when he decides to turn to crime to get the money they need. His first attempt does not go so well, as he cannot even get the gun (play) out of his sweatshirt pocket, and ends up only stealing a slirpy for his first try. The whole movie is funny. There thinking of it makes me feel a bit better. That is my thing these days, I only allow a small bit of sadness to creep in, look at it, and then let it go. But I don't know, Facebook has got me in a pickle.
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