Higher

Well I kind of deserve a kick in the pants from myself this year for basically leaving my blog in the lurch. I have only written 2 entries..I could say I think about my blog, but in a way that would

not be truthful..honestly I have often forgotten about it. I just read my blog from July on my love and wow, I stunned myself! Is that too funny to say?! It brought me to tears. I am so happy for me. I should be putting my thoughts down on paper (well virtual paper!) and having something to reflect on more than my gum graft..thank god I wrote about my love! But there is so much more..every single day..I could be writing all the time. I am going to go with laziness, or maybe a contented heart, a full heart, a safe heart, that did not feel the need to reach out to the beyond in hopes of finding something.

I am not the same me as I was 3 years ago..as I said in my entry in July.

At this moment I am excited to become a better me. Sometimes I think about me, and wonder how I let so many years go by without really being in control of me, and certainly not celebrating and expanding on the gifts I came with..I was only dancing around the pool, sometimes putting a toe in..but I could have been so much more..so much. No one likes, could have , should have, would have..so I don't even want to go down that road..I say it not like a "woe is me" kind of thing, but more a revelation that I now see how I have been. I decided to keep myself much smaller than I could have been.

Maybe it is because my birthday just passed one month ago, and now I enter my 47 year..full of hope. I feel like I have 3 years to really accomplish some things..to really build and expand my life, I don't want to be 50 and say what have I been doing for the past 3 years. I guess a lot of my challenge is finances, I want to be proud of my finances, I want to be accomplished with them..but I want to flourish in all areas..love, family, arts, fitness, career, travel, friendships, writing..I want to present and be my best self. And then at 50 I will have a huge foundation to go forward with..

I give myself permission to go higher..to enter the higher frequency..it is right there after all..it is all just energy swirling around..all just time next to time, moving forward, and it all has an expiration date. Someday, all of my life, and all I know, it will all be gone. Sobering thought. And I don't believe I will be sitting in a chaise lounge eating grapes, but I hope I will be on an incredible journey through time and space, and surrounded by those I have loved..it is hard to imagine death being better than life..hopefully it is just a good..

So I move into my higher frequency. Like being stoned but not needing to be. Being very aware of every decision, every thing I think and say. Being willing to live even bigger, in the smallest ways that don't even seem measurable. It is all very "new age" but seems very right at this moment. I want to bring my higher self out and let it flourish.