I need to redirect the blog a bit I think for this year. It is amazing to me how I have no desire to write about divorce anymore..before, during and after. It is kind of like I have said everything I want to say or need to say. It is so "yesterday" to me now, and that is such a GREAT feeling. I almost laugh now that there was a time I thought I would never feel that way..like I could not get to that feeling let alone really comprehend how it would be. I want my life to be defined way more than by my personal life, certainly my personal life full of upset and tears..although don't get me wrong, most of it at some point will be there one way or another..and maybe what I have written during my time in total upheaval will help someone else get through theirs..I hope so, that would be really nice, that would be completing a circle..I don't know if I wanted to write it all just for me, like a big meal I was preparing, ate and then was done with..
I feel compelled to make this a break out year. I mean really. And I am going to be oh so bummed if I read this in January 2013 and not much happened that was compelling..! I need to accomplish big things on the work front, on the financial front, on the personal growth front. I want to continue to grow my business and personal relationships and have them flourish like lovely summer gardens.
I want to become something more than the me I have been for so many years..because there is a big part of me that believes I have just kind of been hanging out, playing life much smaller than I really could have, I could have been so much more..that is so apparent to me.
There is this great place I am these days, that I am just not going to get bent out of shape..well I don't know if I can totally make that leap, but I am mostly there. I am going to think the bigger picture, I am not going to fight what is, ie like how people are, they are not going to change, I can only change the way I react to them. I am going to be in a lot more moments, and not anticipate or worry about what is around the corner. I am going to take action on the things I can, and the things I cannot, I am going to do my best to let them go. I am going to try to be more patient, and I will watch the grass grow more.
I spent some time in December pondering whether I was OCD, after I was told by a family member that I was..(now that is another story, but a good example of not worrying about things I cannot change..ie what people might say..) After some pondering, I know I am not OCD..a cleaner, YES, a people pleaser, well..yes so much more in the "old days of Danna" but still somewhat so, just more discerning now. A perfectionist, sometimes, trying to let some things go. Ah, I almost forget what I was writing here..I think the point was that I am not interested in being all caught up in drama, or anxiety and trying to relax more..I won't become a totally different person, just a much better version of myself, that is what I aim to do this year. It is time. I have waited way too long.
