These past 6 months I have done a lot of reading. Partly to pass this time, to occupy myself, to also make use of the time, and to leave my life for awhile in another space. It has been good, I have loved getting back into reading. I passed many a summer afternoon like a little lizard on the lounge, pouring through pages of various books, while my daughter played away in the pool, it was like a scene from a movie I would like.
Anyhow...I have been reading The Twilight series, and loving them. Mostly because I like the way they are written, and I love Edward (what girl doesn't :)) there is a certain comfort with him as the main character, the passion and manners and respect he has for his love, Bella, something we all want. So here I sit down last night to continue on with "Breaking Dawn" and I just had to stop. They were just embarking on their honeymoon on Esme Island, and then I just could not read. It seems silly, a book series highly popular with teen agers, and a romance scene, so I don't want to get caught up in the content, as it could be anything. It was just like one of those moments you don't know when or how will overtake you, and then you are in it. And that was that, the tears came, and it had been awhile. It was not like I was thinking about my honeymoon, it was more so of all that has been lost, but even more of recreating a life, and the daunting and exhausting idea of even trying, starting all over when I never wanted to. These are the thoughts that overwhelmed me.
Can I say, I know I am not alone. There are millions of us. Today I read that there will soon be 7 billion people on this planet which I find incomprehensible, and 5 billion of them will have cell phones. So at any given time I am sure there are perhaps billions of us getting through these days, broken hearts so broken that we don't know how they will repair. And yet we feel alone. And knowing there are 7 billion people, it seems almost comical that we can be so consumed with grief over 1 person/relationship, 1 out of 7 billion? I am more amazed at the human heart and how it can break and how one person can so profoundly affect one other, how many songs and poems have written about this, the majority I am sure. I chuckle to myself on the 5 billion cell phones, how many text messages can be sent, so many lonely hearts trying to connect, this is what we have come to. So anyhow, back to saying I am not alone..I know that, and I am writing this as some sort of history for myself, to somehow pass the days and time and have something to look back on that maybe one day will only be a fleeting memory and I may even struggle to find a tear, like another way to paint what I feel. And to maybe connect with others out there in this same space.. I am not writing so people can give me advice, and tell me things I already well know..this is not about that, this is a way for me to be somewhat real, like the sweet little Velveteen Rabbit..
Hopefully my recent upset will just be the next in a long line this year, as I do want to read the book. But honeymoons, they seem far away to me these days..I read the other day about being between stories, and never thought about that, clearly that is where I fall.
Anyhow...I have been reading The Twilight series, and loving them. Mostly because I like the way they are written, and I love Edward (what girl doesn't :)) there is a certain comfort with him as the main character, the passion and manners and respect he has for his love, Bella, something we all want. So here I sit down last night to continue on with "Breaking Dawn" and I just had to stop. They were just embarking on their honeymoon on Esme Island, and then I just could not read. It seems silly, a book series highly popular with teen agers, and a romance scene, so I don't want to get caught up in the content, as it could be anything. It was just like one of those moments you don't know when or how will overtake you, and then you are in it. And that was that, the tears came, and it had been awhile. It was not like I was thinking about my honeymoon, it was more so of all that has been lost, but even more of recreating a life, and the daunting and exhausting idea of even trying, starting all over when I never wanted to. These are the thoughts that overwhelmed me.
Can I say, I know I am not alone. There are millions of us. Today I read that there will soon be 7 billion people on this planet which I find incomprehensible, and 5 billion of them will have cell phones. So at any given time I am sure there are perhaps billions of us getting through these days, broken hearts so broken that we don't know how they will repair. And yet we feel alone. And knowing there are 7 billion people, it seems almost comical that we can be so consumed with grief over 1 person/relationship, 1 out of 7 billion? I am more amazed at the human heart and how it can break and how one person can so profoundly affect one other, how many songs and poems have written about this, the majority I am sure. I chuckle to myself on the 5 billion cell phones, how many text messages can be sent, so many lonely hearts trying to connect, this is what we have come to. So anyhow, back to saying I am not alone..I know that, and I am writing this as some sort of history for myself, to somehow pass the days and time and have something to look back on that maybe one day will only be a fleeting memory and I may even struggle to find a tear, like another way to paint what I feel. And to maybe connect with others out there in this same space.. I am not writing so people can give me advice, and tell me things I already well know..this is not about that, this is a way for me to be somewhat real, like the sweet little Velveteen Rabbit..
Hopefully my recent upset will just be the next in a long line this year, as I do want to read the book. But honeymoons, they seem far away to me these days..I read the other day about being between stories, and never thought about that, clearly that is where I fall.
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