I don't know if I am more surprised by the behavior or by my response, maybe a bit of both.
I found out the other day that a widower is already dating--within just a few months of his wife's death, he is already out. I don't know why every time I hear something like this I am shocked, I would think I would learn by now. In my head, it is just wrong. I don't get it, why do men, for the most part, whether single by divorce/breakup/widowhood, almost.. if not immediately, start going out with women?? I know after my marriages ended, both my husbands were already right out--I don't mean divorce paperwork filed with the court, I mean move out, and then going out. So fast my head was spinning. I don't get it. And death, whether anticipated (I almost wrote planned!) or sudden, I guess I just expect a year or so of mourning, honestly I think the same thing with divorce. Now I don't mean wearing a black arm band and shunning away from society (unless that is for you..) but just a year to get your head back together, to get your head around what you just lived through, to just be, why does someone else so desperately need to complete your picture?
I did write my one brother the other day that we live in a couples world, and it is very hard to be alone for that reason. But that does not mean at all I would run around trying to be a couple to fill a place in society that is much more comfortable than "dinner for one." God, sounds awful, just the work involved, the disappointments, the losing so often of ones self trying so hard to not be alone.
No, I don't love being a "party of one" but I will take it over throwing myself out in a dating pool just to not be alone. And let me say, who the heck are all these women that are so available for newly separated men and widowers? Why oh why would they want to take that on?
So it should not shock me, but it always does. I guess it all goes back to my fantasy land, that relationships and marriage are so consuming, and when they fail, there is a huge loss, and one that is not easily filled. I may be a party of one with that thought.
I found out the other day that a widower is already dating--within just a few months of his wife's death, he is already out. I don't know why every time I hear something like this I am shocked, I would think I would learn by now. In my head, it is just wrong. I don't get it, why do men, for the most part, whether single by divorce/breakup/widowhood, almost.. if not immediately, start going out with women?? I know after my marriages ended, both my husbands were already right out--I don't mean divorce paperwork filed with the court, I mean move out, and then going out. So fast my head was spinning. I don't get it. And death, whether anticipated (I almost wrote planned!) or sudden, I guess I just expect a year or so of mourning, honestly I think the same thing with divorce. Now I don't mean wearing a black arm band and shunning away from society (unless that is for you..) but just a year to get your head back together, to get your head around what you just lived through, to just be, why does someone else so desperately need to complete your picture?
I did write my one brother the other day that we live in a couples world, and it is very hard to be alone for that reason. But that does not mean at all I would run around trying to be a couple to fill a place in society that is much more comfortable than "dinner for one." God, sounds awful, just the work involved, the disappointments, the losing so often of ones self trying so hard to not be alone.
No, I don't love being a "party of one" but I will take it over throwing myself out in a dating pool just to not be alone. And let me say, who the heck are all these women that are so available for newly separated men and widowers? Why oh why would they want to take that on?
So it should not shock me, but it always does. I guess it all goes back to my fantasy land, that relationships and marriage are so consuming, and when they fail, there is a huge loss, and one that is not easily filled. I may be a party of one with that thought.
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