I don't remember the last time I was really glad to be in a new year. But this time around, I am t h r i l l e d to be in one, done with 2009, just done with it. Now I think that is pretty much the sentiment for a lot of people for 2009, as a big picture, it was a tough year. For me personally, it was such a...a...it is hard to even put in words..visually I see myself falling, just falling, not from any location and with no destination in sight. Sometimes a face of fear, sometimes of sadness, sometimes of quiet, sometimes of laughter, and sometimes of pure anger.
And then, I don't recall when now, but maybe I started landing a bit over time, and would pop up again, but I feel pretty much on the ground these days. I chuckle to myself just for fun, and love to think slightly mean thoughts about someone--terrible I know, but even right now I do find it humorous. I decided I had to be my biggest fan.
January 2009, I was dying, like some weird slow death, but I knew it was coming.
February 2009, I died. It was clear.
March 2009, I brought a cake to my "after funeral" party.
April 2009, I died again, big time.
May 2009, I saw some light.
June 2009, I embraced summer.
July 2009, I recall stumbling a bit, and wondering how I would feel 6 months later.
August 2009, I did not find myself in Vegas, but realized I was never that lost, and turned another year older.
September 2009, I watched my summer slip away, and loved the onset of fall.
October 2009, I embraced my inner witch, and loved it.
November 2009, I almost did find myself in Disneyland, a new laughing me, and felt completely reborn as our huge family celebrated my father's 80th birthday.
December 2009, I relished in Christmas music, laughter, white wine, even too many Lemon Drops one night, good food, friends, family, shopping and gifts, all the pictures of the holidays that we see in magazines and movies, I felt like I lived it. Some moment, without much fanfare, my feet touched the ground, and I knew I was no longer falling.
Next month will be one year since my husband walked out of my life, and then the dark truths really came out. I welcome the anniversary oddly enough. It has been a very good year..
And then, I don't recall when now, but maybe I started landing a bit over time, and would pop up again, but I feel pretty much on the ground these days. I chuckle to myself just for fun, and love to think slightly mean thoughts about someone--terrible I know, but even right now I do find it humorous. I decided I had to be my biggest fan.
January 2009, I was dying, like some weird slow death, but I knew it was coming.
February 2009, I died. It was clear.
March 2009, I brought a cake to my "after funeral" party.
April 2009, I died again, big time.
May 2009, I saw some light.
June 2009, I embraced summer.
July 2009, I recall stumbling a bit, and wondering how I would feel 6 months later.
August 2009, I did not find myself in Vegas, but realized I was never that lost, and turned another year older.
September 2009, I watched my summer slip away, and loved the onset of fall.
October 2009, I embraced my inner witch, and loved it.
November 2009, I almost did find myself in Disneyland, a new laughing me, and felt completely reborn as our huge family celebrated my father's 80th birthday.
December 2009, I relished in Christmas music, laughter, white wine, even too many Lemon Drops one night, good food, friends, family, shopping and gifts, all the pictures of the holidays that we see in magazines and movies, I felt like I lived it. Some moment, without much fanfare, my feet touched the ground, and I knew I was no longer falling.
Next month will be one year since my husband walked out of my life, and then the dark truths really came out. I welcome the anniversary oddly enough. It has been a very good year..
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