Well Vegas clearly wasn't it Not at all. I probably could have gone for one day and night and maybe gotten out feeling better about the whole thing. I meant to take notes to remind myself of how I was feeling..
Let's see, to start with, the cabby who took me to the hotel told me he had to get over gambling and alcoholism--but he could just do it cold turkey--he knew he had a problem and quit. Umm..good for you? Either way, welcome to Vegas. I guess it was really good he did not tell me he had been a sex addict too.
I guess I thought the trip would be something else. I guess I thought I would feel different and a bit free of my life--not in the physical, but the mental torment I seem to have these days. I guess it might be true to say that was a little so. With the unbelievable people watching, I could turn my mind off, at least for awhile. Hmm...what are the stand outs..? How about the people, and I don't mean to sound bad, but for some reason, every one I saw doing this was Mexican...
handing out these trashy trading cards of hookers I guess? I mean they were naked, except for like a little star on a few areas..and they would "tap tap tap" these cards together, like is it called a "clapper?" and it was so annoying!! And they would hand these to me over and over and I would say "not interested!" Someone told me they might think I could be a swinger! God almighty. Then that night and the next day, forever, these pathetic cards would line the sidewalks and the gutters, and even some landed on my 8th story balcony--which I still do NOT get!! and all I could think "what do their parents think?" Hell their parents might have gotten them into the business, I realize I am so naive!
What else...the endless stream of 20 something young women, who for the most part are trying so hard and most probably give away the store and are fine with FWB (friends with benefits--I had to look up FWB the other day, as I had no idea what that meant--again, naive..) and they are just endless, just an endless stream, as well as 20 something guys who for the most part are pathetic and dumb looking and also trying so hard. Okay, I sound like some 45 year old...I know the 20s can be a weird time...I myself did a few really dumb things..but I guess I just never lived that life over and over again, it all seemed to pointless to me, I knew I wanted to be serious and be married (look where it got me, that is another blog, not this one..they are all connected!)
The foreigners, almost a breath of fresh air, as if Vegas is some kind of mighty landmark that must be visited--I hope the Grand Canyon gets more yearly visitors--I am sure it does not, and I have never been there, I should have gone there!!
I smiled when I would see families. I still do. I wished I was one. That is probably the main memory I take from my few days there. I felt painfully alone, and lonely. I did not want to pursue whatever I thought Vegas held, which I never found anyhow. The more I was with me there the more I wanted to get an early flight home.
It is not like I don't like me, I do. But I realized I may as well feel lonely at home these days, for free, and be in the space of my own 4 walls, than a plane's ride away in a sea of decadence.
Drinking and partying don't really appeal to me all that much. I did like some of the really nice hotels inside, and there was some lovely shopping. My big expenditure though was $40 at Forever 21 (I am embarrassed to say I bought anything there..) but it is a cute, short, fake fur leopard, three quarter sleeve jacket, and I do love it. It makes me smile of my trip to Vegas, oh and a pair of chandelier earrings. Sadly I could have probably bought this at my local mall.
I may have left my tormented mind a time or two during the trip, there were some laughs with my baby brother which were good, there was that feeling at 1:30 in the morning of being outside and not being cold, and I do love that, I wore a couple of outfits I really did like...but all in all I am not over this bridge, and do not believe any trip is going to change things. At least I did not spend a fortune. I advise myself of not another trip for quite sometime.
Let's see, to start with, the cabby who took me to the hotel told me he had to get over gambling and alcoholism--but he could just do it cold turkey--he knew he had a problem and quit. Umm..good for you? Either way, welcome to Vegas. I guess it was really good he did not tell me he had been a sex addict too.
I guess I thought the trip would be something else. I guess I thought I would feel different and a bit free of my life--not in the physical, but the mental torment I seem to have these days. I guess it might be true to say that was a little so. With the unbelievable people watching, I could turn my mind off, at least for awhile. Hmm...what are the stand outs..? How about the people, and I don't mean to sound bad, but for some reason, every one I saw doing this was Mexican...
handing out these trashy trading cards of hookers I guess? I mean they were naked, except for like a little star on a few areas..and they would "tap tap tap" these cards together, like is it called a "clapper?" and it was so annoying!! And they would hand these to me over and over and I would say "not interested!" Someone told me they might think I could be a swinger! God almighty. Then that night and the next day, forever, these pathetic cards would line the sidewalks and the gutters, and even some landed on my 8th story balcony--which I still do NOT get!! and all I could think "what do their parents think?" Hell their parents might have gotten them into the business, I realize I am so naive!
What else...the endless stream of 20 something young women, who for the most part are trying so hard and most probably give away the store and are fine with FWB (friends with benefits--I had to look up FWB the other day, as I had no idea what that meant--again, naive..) and they are just endless, just an endless stream, as well as 20 something guys who for the most part are pathetic and dumb looking and also trying so hard. Okay, I sound like some 45 year old...I know the 20s can be a weird time...I myself did a few really dumb things..but I guess I just never lived that life over and over again, it all seemed to pointless to me, I knew I wanted to be serious and be married (look where it got me, that is another blog, not this one..they are all connected!)
The foreigners, almost a breath of fresh air, as if Vegas is some kind of mighty landmark that must be visited--I hope the Grand Canyon gets more yearly visitors--I am sure it does not, and I have never been there, I should have gone there!!
I smiled when I would see families. I still do. I wished I was one. That is probably the main memory I take from my few days there. I felt painfully alone, and lonely. I did not want to pursue whatever I thought Vegas held, which I never found anyhow. The more I was with me there the more I wanted to get an early flight home.
It is not like I don't like me, I do. But I realized I may as well feel lonely at home these days, for free, and be in the space of my own 4 walls, than a plane's ride away in a sea of decadence.
Drinking and partying don't really appeal to me all that much. I did like some of the really nice hotels inside, and there was some lovely shopping. My big expenditure though was $40 at Forever 21 (I am embarrassed to say I bought anything there..) but it is a cute, short, fake fur leopard, three quarter sleeve jacket, and I do love it. It makes me smile of my trip to Vegas, oh and a pair of chandelier earrings. Sadly I could have probably bought this at my local mall.
I may have left my tormented mind a time or two during the trip, there were some laughs with my baby brother which were good, there was that feeling at 1:30 in the morning of being outside and not being cold, and I do love that, I wore a couple of outfits I really did like...but all in all I am not over this bridge, and do not believe any trip is going to change things. At least I did not spend a fortune. I advise myself of not another trip for quite sometime.
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