I have been meaning to take a retreat for months. I cancelled the one I had set. Then time just kept passing and one thing or another I just did not feel it, sometimes all I could do is get through the day, live through my own mind's noise for the day, and let the idea drift out to sea.
I don't think Las Vegas when I think retreat! I think convent, monastery, spiritual setting, hiking in the back country, even sitting quietly in the backyard. How can the bells, the "bing bing bing!" sound, the lights, the decadence, the flashiness, the alcohol, the music, the lost souls, and good looking souls, how can these all constitute a retreat for me..? I am not sure.
But perhaps somewhere in all the noise, and all the space that is NOTHING like my every day life, that I do not want to have anyhow, that no longer is a shoe that fits, because the other part of the pair ripped itself up and walked away and left one shoe in complete dismay, maybe Vegas is just what I need. A lot of decadence, a lot of noise, a lot of noise, I really want that right now, nothing that I am familiar with, loud music, tons of people, some lost souls and some not, I can just lose myself for a few days, and maybe somehow find a piece of me as well, that has been sunk and hiding so low that I have forgotten about her.
Maybe religious and spiritual retreats are not the answer in these moments, days, months, that just go and on. Maybe Vegas is, at least a little bit. But I won't know until my retreat is over.
I want to leave this head of mine so bad that reminds me over and over again every day what is, I want to silence it for awhile and just be in bright lights and fill my ears with the sounds of winning.
I don't think Las Vegas when I think retreat! I think convent, monastery, spiritual setting, hiking in the back country, even sitting quietly in the backyard. How can the bells, the "bing bing bing!" sound, the lights, the decadence, the flashiness, the alcohol, the music, the lost souls, and good looking souls, how can these all constitute a retreat for me..? I am not sure.
But perhaps somewhere in all the noise, and all the space that is NOTHING like my every day life, that I do not want to have anyhow, that no longer is a shoe that fits, because the other part of the pair ripped itself up and walked away and left one shoe in complete dismay, maybe Vegas is just what I need. A lot of decadence, a lot of noise, a lot of noise, I really want that right now, nothing that I am familiar with, loud music, tons of people, some lost souls and some not, I can just lose myself for a few days, and maybe somehow find a piece of me as well, that has been sunk and hiding so low that I have forgotten about her.
Maybe religious and spiritual retreats are not the answer in these moments, days, months, that just go and on. Maybe Vegas is, at least a little bit. But I won't know until my retreat is over.
I want to leave this head of mine so bad that reminds me over and over again every day what is, I want to silence it for awhile and just be in bright lights and fill my ears with the sounds of winning.
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