I have spent so much of the last 15 months crying.
.. remember this so well from years ago, and so not wanting to do this again.
...years of hardly crying at all, only at things like sad movies or greeting cards, but no, there was no heartbreak baring down on me.
I am exhausted with the whole thing.
I think, "this will be it, this is the last hurrah in this f ing nightmare.." but no, around the next corner, there I am again, crying.
... given up wondering when it will go away.
There is this big piece of me that stresses on the fact that I don't have the time to be sad, to lose any more years, because my best years, my youth, is leaving me..if I was 30, 35 maybe, I would not mind losing a year or two, but now, no.
...falling in love is best when one is young, so your love knows you in your young state, and loves you through the years..that is how I see it.
My years are leaving me..I don't want to fall in love at 50.
... it sounds crazy, and you might ask, "how do you come up with these thoughts..?" but I do, and they are real to me.
I am conflicted over a broken heart and at the same time wanting to start anew before my youth has left me.
I don't know what it is like to be old.
Kind of like Marilyn Monroe, she is forever immortalized as a young pretty woman.
I don't mean to sound shallow, as I really am not.
It all just goes with the vision I have of love.
Each day just melts into the next.
...done all the work, yes I have..counseling, new hobbies, reading, meditation, yoga, exercise, all of it, and my life has not had a changing, light bulb moment.
There really is little difference for me now versus one year ago when I was blogging away.
...thought there would be, but I was wrong.
I have really tried.
And now I have grown tired of trying.
.. remember this so well from years ago, and so not wanting to do this again.
...years of hardly crying at all, only at things like sad movies or greeting cards, but no, there was no heartbreak baring down on me.
I am exhausted with the whole thing.
I think, "this will be it, this is the last hurrah in this f ing nightmare.." but no, around the next corner, there I am again, crying.
... given up wondering when it will go away.
There is this big piece of me that stresses on the fact that I don't have the time to be sad, to lose any more years, because my best years, my youth, is leaving me..if I was 30, 35 maybe, I would not mind losing a year or two, but now, no.
...falling in love is best when one is young, so your love knows you in your young state, and loves you through the years..that is how I see it.
My years are leaving me..I don't want to fall in love at 50.
... it sounds crazy, and you might ask, "how do you come up with these thoughts..?" but I do, and they are real to me.
I am conflicted over a broken heart and at the same time wanting to start anew before my youth has left me.
I don't know what it is like to be old.
Kind of like Marilyn Monroe, she is forever immortalized as a young pretty woman.
I don't mean to sound shallow, as I really am not.
It all just goes with the vision I have of love.
Each day just melts into the next.
...done all the work, yes I have..counseling, new hobbies, reading, meditation, yoga, exercise, all of it, and my life has not had a changing, light bulb moment.
There really is little difference for me now versus one year ago when I was blogging away.
...thought there would be, but I was wrong.
I have really tried.
And now I have grown tired of trying.
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