Butterfly

I feel like I went in full reverse the last week. All the "work" I did, all the ground I covered, all the strides I made, it all fell by the wayside. I am quite intrigued by the way the human heart works, and so tough it is to control where we go. Oh I know, there are tons of people out there who don't relate to this at all, and probably find me stupid (I can certainly name one) who would make fun of me and what I am writing, some stupid middle age chic who cannot get past her past. Oh well. I on some level agree. I don't even want to be where I am at. It is like this visitor that just showed up at my front door and barged in and I did not have the chance to shut the door, let alone say "only for one night." This visitor seems to play by their own rules. So I am stuck with the visit. There is a lot crashing down on my these days, and I am overwhelmed with the thought of a great future when I can barely find the day something I look forward to. I want to, but I am having a tough time. I did read another blog tonight though that helped a bit. Talking about the dear sweet caterpillar that must cocoon in order to become the butterfly. How it cannot skip that step or rush that step (if someone tries to help it escape, it will die..) So that is it, I am this sad little caterpillar, waiting in a tight dark cocoon for some glorious day ahead. At this very moment I cannot even see it. I just feel the tight dark cocoon. And I hate being enclosed in dark spaces (I actually get out of elevators that are too crowded.) So maybe beyond my broken little heart, I feel a bit caged in with myself and struggling for the light to come when I can fly away.