Smoke Rings

I had so many ideas earlier this evening, but now they all seem to have left me. Somewhere among the cleaning fumes and the music in my ears the thoughts I had drifted away. Maybe it is good, I don't know. I wish so much right now I could sit outside on a lounge chair and blow smoke rings. I don't smoke. But it just seems like a really artsy and thoughtful thing to do, while lying in the cool summer air and staring up into the summer night sky. I never sit outside at night on a lounge chair and look up into the summer night sky. I don't really know why. It is like a nice idea, but I never do it. I barely even sit at the outside table and eat. I am so confronted with being alone, so sitting on a lounge chair looking up into the summer night sky and blowing smoke rings just sounds really meditative. It is an odd thing to be a stranger in one own's life, going through each day wondering when it will feel real. So maybe the smoke rings are my loneliness, quietly and softly floating up to space, leaving me less alone.