Fall Thoughts

It seems to happen to me often..I finally come back into my blog, and cannot even remember writing my last post (as it had been quite awhile ago..and..I like what I read!  :))  It was awhile ago, more than 6 months.  Things so changed!  Just like days later, he got back in touch with me, and weeks later we were back together!  Funny how these things happen.  Maybe putting my "spell" out to the universe was just what needed to happen.

April was a glorious month, of love ushering back to me, and my daughter getting married in a fabulous wedding in Northern California.  It was a month of love.

And all the months that have followed have been beautiful and wonderful and I would be pressed to find any real complaint, in a world filled with so many problems, mine seem so insignificant when compared.

I am in my 49th year now, that date rolled around at the end of August.  I don't really feel 49. Frankly I don't feel any different than I did 30 years ago. I am sure 20 somethings, would say, yeah, you are not 20 something,..but I don't feel months from turning 50.  Maybe that is the secret of living and staying young, to sort of remain ageless. I am not trying to be 25, but I don't know what 50 is, and I sure don't feel 50.  I feel beautiful.

One thing to touch upon, is I came face to face with grief last winter, and I saw it consume me in a way that scared me.  I was so immersed in it, that I truly could not see my way out.  I realized that grief may me too much for me, that if I am not careful, I won't find my way back.  So I have sort of put a self imposed time frame for me in the future and also a mental list of things to do that keep me on track..sort of.  Grief is such a part of life, but I suppose it is also in the way we handle it.  I don't want to fall of a cliff next time, there may be no branch to grab onto as I fall.

I am just happy right now. I love this time of year so much.  I love the Halloween decorations in my neighborhood, and the thick fog, and the beautiful sun when it still shines.  I love seeing my breath in the air, and wearing a cap over my head.  I love that the days are shorter, and I am tired at 9 at night.
I love knowing we are deep in harvest and going towards the introspective time in our lives. I like the cycles of life. 

I don't have anything earth shattering to say or to bestow upon anyone.  I feel like my life is like a photo in a magazine for fall entertaining, or family pictures, or a catalog picture that I already have right here.  There is so much heartache and deep despair every day, all over, and I feel like it passes me and so many I know by, and that is sometimes hard to really take in, life is such a crap shoot.

Xo