Hearts have been on my mind lately. Like how they are endless, they keep going, remember in the Titanic love song,.."my heart will go on and on..." I just read the lyrics, and forgot how much I like the song. You know Celine just did one take on that song, and it was so perfect, that was it! I am not sure why I am talking about Celine Dion, I got off track, although she does have a great voice..
Anyhow..
So often I dream about my husband, random, strange dreams, sometimes upsetting, sometimes very boring, and sometimes very comforting, but it is like another dimension I go into each night. I have come to see the dreams less about him, but more so a comfort for me, something that my heart attaches to to feel safe. Right now his memory is what I hold onto. So it is like this love goes on and on, in some other space and time altogether, something beyond this realm, and that is how I have begun to see the love from my marriage, and there is a certain comfort in that thought and a certain bond that I hold onto, it becomes more about the heart than the person in reality. It allows me solace without being too tied up with a reality I cannot change. I don't know if that makes any sense, but somehow I am finding sense in it.
I read this Psalm the other day
“Create in me a clean heart, O Lord my God.”~Psalms 51:10
That is what I want to do. A clean and open heart that paints a picture of good things. Recently I said I love what is, what was, and what could have been. I also realized I love what never was.
These are tough ideas to come to grips with at times, because in the everyday I want more than what was or what is, so I found another place for the "what could have been" and the "what never was." They live in my heart. Protected from doom and doubt and tears, like little snowglobes that I can shake up in my dreams.
Anyhow..
So often I dream about my husband, random, strange dreams, sometimes upsetting, sometimes very boring, and sometimes very comforting, but it is like another dimension I go into each night. I have come to see the dreams less about him, but more so a comfort for me, something that my heart attaches to to feel safe. Right now his memory is what I hold onto. So it is like this love goes on and on, in some other space and time altogether, something beyond this realm, and that is how I have begun to see the love from my marriage, and there is a certain comfort in that thought and a certain bond that I hold onto, it becomes more about the heart than the person in reality. It allows me solace without being too tied up with a reality I cannot change. I don't know if that makes any sense, but somehow I am finding sense in it.
I read this Psalm the other day
“Create in me a clean heart, O Lord my God.”~Psalms 51:10
That is what I want to do. A clean and open heart that paints a picture of good things. Recently I said I love what is, what was, and what could have been. I also realized I love what never was.
These are tough ideas to come to grips with at times, because in the everyday I want more than what was or what is, so I found another place for the "what could have been" and the "what never was." They live in my heart. Protected from doom and doubt and tears, like little snowglobes that I can shake up in my dreams.
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